It has been a while since I blogged last ...

It has been a while since I blogged last ... but I have been thinking about it for a while. Today, I feel like I have something I am confident about saying.



Maybe I am oversimplifying things, but I feel like I can fill in the dotted lines a little better today. Before, I had been focusing a lot of my time taking care of others. Whether it was looking out for their interests as a representative, taking care of their office supply needs at Staples, helping them answer a question in a class, explaining the project and tying it all together at the end, I have been helping others. And of course on the mission trips and service projects. Not just the holding a door or being pleasant, I mean the doing something meaningful for someone else.



Now, it feels like at college like I have been focusing on myself. I have been reflecting on who I am, who I want to be, how I interact with others, what I want for myself, and other similar things. This is good and everyone should do it, but I am getting bored thinking about it. Thinking about what makes me a bad person doesn't excite me or make me happy.



I thought I got my energy from seeing smiling people. People smile, not because they just want to, but because you have made them feel good. You have made them happy by doing something for them, or you have made them feel accepted and loved.



Taking care of only yourself is necessary at first to make sure I "stay afloat". But I am no longer in my first semester here. I think if I wanted to, I could go back to some of that other stuff I was doing. With a few changes of course, but I realized today that other than Christmas break, I haven't really helped others. I don't volunteer on campus; I don't tutor or answer questions. I don't do anything except sleep, go to class, see a few movies, and stuff like that. This just isn't doing it for me. I gave blood earlier this week and it gave me a feeling of joy that lasted for multiple days! It was the first time I had been that happy for a while.



I am concerned I have my priorities mixed up. There are a few reasons why I think this, but I won't go into them here.



I hope that this makes sense. I hope that I will be able to make the changes I think will work. I know that God will show me what to do if I get confused, as he always does. Comment if you have ideas or suggestions...



-- Kevin